Thursday, 21 April 2011

Dating advice and strategies

Dating can be confusing, difficult, fun, challenging, unpredictable, and there is a wealth of tips and advice, sometimes contradictory, on the web and in books and elsewhere. Dating adviser Heidi Banks wrote:
There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists.
  • Flirting. There are numerous tips for successful flirting, including body language cues such as copying another's posture or mirroring, sending shyness signals interspersed with confidence signals such as standing up straight and maintaining eye contact; don't cross your legs or avert your eyes.  Take a peek at their mouth and back up to suggest kissing, according to Judi James; lowering the vocal tone can work as "subliminal advertising" for later sweet-nothings. Men exaggerate their height,  soften their facial expression; erect thumbs are a male sign of enjoyment, and chest-touches and fleeting skims over hair and splayed legs send out positive signals, according to James.  Women can use "pseudo-infantile motions such as the head-cock" and gaze intensely with widened eyes and laugh often, touch, and move in ways to emphasize their body's roundness, such as shrugging their shoulders or sit hugging their knees, to mimic buttock imagery. The act of smoking outside while flirting has been termed smirting.
  • Humor can be used, but requires caution, according to dating expert Ron Louis, particularly if it involves sexual innuendo; Louis in his book How to Succeed with Women argues against using self-deprecatory humor if it causes a falling-off of prestige. However, director Blake Edwards joked in parties about the persona of film star Julie Andrews, by saying that her "endlessly cheerful governess" image from movies such as Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music gave her the image of possibly having "lilacs for pubic hair"; Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him lilacs, married him, and the couple stayed together for 41 years.
  • Date often. Advice guidelines often suggest dating multiple times; one writer suggested at least 34 dates with different people before finding a partner.
  • Keep trying; don't get discouraged.
  • Choose cities with more pedestrians such as Berlin, London, Melbourne, Barcelona or New York.
  • Online dating tips include: be authentic, accurately represent your relationship status, don't talk about your ex or divorce or financial settlements, get organized, post recent photos and create a terrific profile.  Guardian writer Marc Zakian advises e-flirting email messages to be "friendly, funny and flattering" since it's hard to estimate what people are thinking since you can't see their faces, but don't reveal too much or "write a tome" and don't be too eager to meet right away. But Zakian advised not to wait too long to meet someone otherwise there was a risk of falling in love without first meeting them or seeing what they look like. When an online dater isn't interested in somebody else, an unwritten rule is that it's acceptable to "ignore mail from people who don't interest you" since it's difficult writing somebody that they're unsuitable to you as a potential partner in a way which doesn't hurt their feelings. Any kind of emailed reply, even a rejection, may trigger a reply in kind, and end up wasting one's time.

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